I dare you to not skip this piece just because you think gratitude is overrated. If you are a “I don’t take dares” person, please at least try to refrain from rolling your eyes and going “I know, I know, we are supposed to be thankful for everything.” That used to be me, even if I wouldn’t admit it. It truly took me exploring what gratitude meant to me and me alone. I had to explore for myself what a felt sense of gratitude truly feels and looks like for me personally, in order to see changes start to show up in my life. It took me forgetting everything I thought i’d learned about gratitude and reframing it in my mind until I understood its full power.
When I first learned about the power of gratitude, it changed my life. I had miracle moments. A service light would come on in my car and if I practiced deep gratitude for my awesome, working car, the light would go off. If I felt immense gratitude for something working out the way I wanted before it ever happened, it would work out that way. If I practiced gratitude for a person, they would text me or I would bump into them at the grocery store. Of course, you can call this coincidence and it may not work in the same way every single time, but when I finally learned about the importance of gratitude, it started creating big shifts in my life. Even when things seemingly didn’t go my way, I was able to shift my perspective so I enjoyed everything more, and enjoying life even in the mundane moments is the biggest flex there is.
Shortly after beginning this practice of integrating as much gratitude as I can into every moment, I got my first tattoo. I was looking at ideas on pinterest, and fell in love with a specific design, then after doing some (very minimal) research realized it was labeled as a “universal symbol for gratitude”. I took it as a sign, and had it tattooed a few weeks later. I got this initiation tattoo at the same time as one of my best friends in the world who has taught me so very much about gratitude, trust, and bringing positivity and love to every situation. She got the symbol for trust tattooed the same day. A week or so later we attended (with another bestie) a service at a Unitarian Universalist Church and the sermon was focused on Trust and Gratitude. I remember in that moment feeling a deep sense of synchronicity, peace, and hope. Call it coincidence if you want, but to me it was a sign of universal love and abundance. A sign that we all have control and choice in our own destiny, but we also must learn to surrender control completely. It was a shift, the beginning of a new chapter of life.
Eclectic Purpose has been in the works for several years now but never at a point where I was ready to share it with the world. Always living, hidden, in my own heart and mind, on my computer at times. I played around with a logo and created it from the photo I used for my tattoo. Later, finally, this year, Adriene (see her link in about page) created the beautiful logo for Eclectic Purpose. It no longer may be the exact symbol for gratitude, but to me that’s what it will always symbolize. Each time I look at the tattoo on my arm, it reminds me to be grateful, in every situation, no matter what. Always. It is a reminder of being protected, provided for, and never lacking.
If you ever get stuck not feeling like you are far enough ahead, or where you would want to be, look back over the past year, three years, five years, and take note of how much you have accomplished. Now is not the time to say “Yeah, but…” No buts! Only looking at the things you have to be proud of. Did you make mistakes? Yes. Did things not go as planned? Usually. However, did you grow? Learn? Experience life? Then you have so, so much to be proud of. Did you start a new job? Are you raising kids? Did you invest time in a new hobby? Be PROUD! There is SOME aspect about you that little you would be so very proud of. If there are aspects of yourself you want to change and improve go for it, but it is so very important to take time to be grateful and celebrate along the way, otherwise we will always be in a rush to get to the next step. It is not ever only “But I fucked up in this way…” or “But I wanted to accomplish this…”. Those things can be true, but they can and do exist simultaneously with your growth, learning, and all of the beauty and all the moments to be proud of. Don’t skip out on this. Don’t cheat yourself by not rewarding your accomplishments. It will not stop your forward momentum, if that’s what you are worried about, it will only encourage you further.
We must be grateful for the season we are in, always. Remember nothing blooms all year long. If we do not take time to hibernate, to go within and find solace, to spend time relaxing and nourishing our bodies, then we quickly become burnt out. We need all four seasons, whether we are a hot or cold weather person, and regardless of what those seasons look like where you live. We are so often (myself included) rushing into the next season, and it is perfectly acceptable to be excited and ready to welcome each season as it comes, but let’s be careful that we aren’t ignoring the season we are still in now. Like yes do I have a miniature hay bale riding around in the front seat of my car and a jar of caramel ready for some apples as soon as September hits? Hell yeah, but I am also trying to relish the last few weeks of summer. This is the only summer 2023 we will ever get! I try to practice presence even when it’s real hard at times.
Even if you are so beyond over the winter cold or the summer heat, how can you still embrace something about the season or the time you are in? Maybe you hate hot weather but you love chilling by the pool, wearing the cute tank top, or listening to the crickets outside at night while you drink an icy Arnold Palmer.. If you can’t think of anything well, think a little harder since there is most likely at least one thing from each season you can appreciate.
For me, it’s the cold weather that challenges my gratitude. My toes and fingers go numb and turn white or purple even in a toasty house. We have to wear so many layers of clothes to stay warm and it gives me sensory overwhelm. Ice is dangerous. Cars don’t start. People and animals without homes struggle. I will take warm weather over cold any day AND YET sometimes when it’s hot out I feel nostalgic for cold weather! For snuggling up under blankets and reading a book, for wearing cute sweaters and comfy leggins, for drinking hot chocolate or cider after playing in the snow. I can love and appreciate cold weather too even though I am adamantly more of a warm weather person.
If you are struggling with seasonal affective disorder SAD in either hot OR cold weather, of course please talk to a doctor or professional you trust and who can support you. Know you are not alone. If you can manage to get through the day and still function, maybe try to find gratitude if you can for something but if you truly can not, just try to focus on your breath and the knowing that each season ends. If focusing on the breath is triggering for you, maybe focus on just noticing your five senses, each in turn, grounding yourself. Maybe you can find gratitude for that cup of coffee, that good book you can escape into, or even a solid Netflix show that helps you zone out when you are struggling to cope. Even if we can’t feel the reasoning for it or it feels impossible in the moment.
All of this being said, we all bloom at different times, hibernate at different times, parts of us die, then we bloom again. Just as the weather has seasons of life, so do we. I know I am a relationship person and am meant to be in a committed partnership and spend day-to-day and night-to-night with someone, and yet right now I am actively choosing to not be in partnership because I have never had a true single season, and I feel it’s necessary for me to bloom in ways I have never given myself a chance to. I know it is necessary for my growth and evolution. As much as I miss my past relationships or daydream and look forward to another one in the future, I am trying my best to stay present, stay grateful, slow down, and truly enjoy where I am because it won’t last forever.
Each season has something to teach us. Right now at this moment, I am in a season where I have access to all basic needs and more, yet I look forward to a season where I have the type of abundance that allows me to freely travel, eat, work, and live exactly how I want, without NEEDING to have a second thought about how much money I am spending. I think I will always be a thrift store girly, an ALDI shopper (ALDI has my heart, and I would love to discuss ALDI with anyone who would like to). I will always value being frugal, spending less, “good deals”, etc.
I have done affirmations, tried to reprogram, etc. but I still get very anxious and triggered around money issues which means I am still holding on to fears and limiting beliefs. I may write a whole piece just on this because I feel that especially between women, it’s not talked about in the right way, or enough. Money is a taboo topic and I grew up in and around scarcity mindset, so I am working actively to reprogram there.
Money, wealth, physical abundance is its own topic for a different moment, but I will summarize: 1) I now know logically that love and money are connected. I am working to build my own self love and self worth, to an extent where both flow effortlessly and with ease. 2) I trust that the Universe is taking care of me, and truly want to practice deep gratitude every single day, even on the days where I am ugly crying over bills. I want to look for the lesson in it (without bypassing the feelings), center myself / find peace, and take a step back. Some days I am better at this than others.
Part of me wants to say : AND THIS IS REALLY HARD BECAUSE “xyz…”
“I only have $23.00 in my bank account!”
“I have so much credit card debt.”
“I grew up on food stamps and currently don”t even have healthcare.”
“There is never enough.”
These are the thoughts that swim around my head at all times, and yet the evidence of abundance in my life is so obvious! We have everything we need and MORE. We eat good food, wear cute clothes, and have all basic needs covered, PLUS SOME. We get to go on regular dope adventures with friends, and when I really want to treat myself or my kiddo, I do! It just shows that everything is energy and none of the statements above (although real and stressful on the human plane of existence) truly affect our wellbeing. We are right where we are meant to be and I deeply trust that abundance comes at the right times and in the ways we need it.
I still have moments or whole days where I freak out unnecessarily and dramatically about money or a bill comes in the mail and it causes me to spiral, but I am learning that those things don’t matter as much as I’ve let them (for my whole life). I am playing out what I witnessed as a child. I have deeply ingrained beliefs of lack and that there is never enough, because that’s what I was always told growing up. I don’t want my own child to feel this way. I don’t want him to take on financial worries, let alone before he is an adult. I want to teach him to be a good steward of what we have, to be respectful of belongings wherever he goes and not feel the need to hold on to excess belongings out of fear. I want deep trust in the universe to be ingrained in him.
I also don’t want these limiting beliefs to have a hold on me any longer. I don’t want them to be able to affect my own energy as much as they have in the past, and still do sometimes. I am grateful for triggers because they teach me, show me where and how I feel about certain situations, and highlight where I am not as healed as I would like to be. When I become extremely emotional about a bill, part of me wonders, who is this? Whose stress is this? Whose tears? My mother’s? The collective? Certainly not my own, although they are but now I actively choose to release because that does not signal trust to the universe, it signals lack. Okay, apologies, I’m on a tangent but I am processing in real time here. My point is the more gratitude and perspective we can hold in any given moment, the more joyful our life will be. Gratitude created more gratitude. Being grateful creates more to be grateful for.
Beautiful Chorus, which I listen to almost every morning first thing, has a beautiful song about gratitude that touches on this point and makes it into a mantra.
“Gratitude brings room
For more things to be grateful for
Grateful to be grateful.”
– More Gratitude, Beautiful Chorus
In fact, all of their mantras/songs are absolutely incredible and help me tap into a space of peace and gratitude whenever I listen.
Each season has its moments to be grateful, every moment, even the hard moments, hold an aspect to be grateful for even if it comes in retrospect. I truly believe we can heal moments from our past if we can look back at them and fully process them with gratitude, for where we are now, and for what we have learned. If you are reflecting on a situation in your past that was seemingly pure pain, hate, abuse, etc., then we work to hold gratitude for where we are now: the safety, the peace, the strength we have, now.
HOW do I find gratitude when I am in the complain-y, not-grateful, negative energy-filled moments? These are some no-fail solutions. If I do all these things, I am able to tap into the energy of gratitude even if the drudgery energy stays too.
- Drink water. Not caffeine. Not alcohol (although those things can help too depending on the moment but can also make it worse.)
- Take deep belly breaths. In and out through your nose, letting your breath FILL your belly, as deep as you can.
- Get in nature. Even if it’s just your front yard or going to the park with your kid. Bonus points if you plant your bare feet on the earth (which I believe helps balance the energetic charge in your body!).
- Move your body. Dance yourself silly to three songs, do five minutes of yoga, do some jumping jacks. Go for a walk. Move the energy. It works.
- Do one thing that you know you would feel at least minutely better if you did that thing. Take a shower. Set a timer and clean for ten minutes. Call a friend. Make a list of 10 things in your life you are grateful for. Bake cookies. Go to Marshall’s. Have sex. Have a snack. Whatever works for you.
These are all things that help shift energy, ease anxiety, and get you out of your head and into the present moment. Last hot tip: Get off social media. Even if it’s just for an hour. I’m a big Instagram girly and I know this is cheesy but it is SO powerful. Another bonus point if you can get in nature and safely without cell service and just pause, giving yourself a chance to feel into your body, your heart space, your spirit; disconnected to the social media world so you can plug into source energy – the ultimate connection!
Consider: Where in your life do you naturally feel more gratitude? Who are you with? What are you wearing? Where are you? Then invite more of all of that into your life.
It helps to act like and show ourselves and the universe that we are grateful for what we have. Say it, write it, express it. Hug your loved ones and express your gratitude for them. Clean your living space (it doesn’t have to be perfect – just spend a little time making the space you are lucky enough to have feel appreciated). When you get in your car or on the bus – be grateful for transportation. When you are working – remind yourself how grateful you are for income, even if it’s a bridge job to something more in alignment. When you are eating, bless and give thanks for your food (this isn’t just a religious thing, it’s an energetic/spiritual practice). When you drink clean water or take a shower – feel gratitude for running water.
Especially when you are in an extra beautiful place or something clearly wonderful happens – let it affirm to you that you are living in abundance, you are experiencing life and are grateful for it. There is always something to be grateful for, in every situation.
I wasn’t allowed to watch or read or listen to Harry Potter as a child, so I got to experience it as an adult. Although I would have been completely obsessed and into it as a 9-10 year old and I have felt a little grief that I didn’t get to experience something that would have brought so much joy to my childhood self, I fell in love with the series as an adult. Maybe we shouldn’t be supporting J.K. Rowling based on her hateful beliefs and standpoints but I do love Dumbledore’s quote. Most of you know it but let’s review:
“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
– Albus Dumbledore
I love it. How can we always remember to find, to be the light in each moment of our own lives? Through gratitude, first and foremost.
Sometimes I think we fear being too grateful because some part of us believes it will motivate us to quit, or give up, or not strive for more. I think sometimes I am afraid of not feeling in lack because some part of me thinks this is protecting me somehow, or it’s going to help me “get more” if I am always talking and thinking about how little I have and how I would always like to have more…need to have more. Yet if everything is energy, the opposite is true. Just as the Beautiful Chorus song reminds us. The more we maintain a felt sense of gratitude, and practice making gratitude our go to, the more our abundance snowballs into more and more abundance. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. Sometimes doors we really wanted to stay open, close, in order to direct us closer to our path. Sometimes abundance doesn’t come in the forms we thought we “needed”, wanted, or expected. We must trust that what we are in alignment with wants us too, and the more we practice gratitude the more we draw those things towards us.
Of course, that doesn’t mean to give up and stop taking action steps towards what you want. It means finding more joy and gratitude along the way, which in turn opens our eyes further to the tools and paths that are available. Be grateful for what you already have, like truly deeply cultivate the felt sense of gratitude. Then start taking baby steps. Imagine the life you want and do something, even one little thing, to work towards it every day.
It’s odd, day to day I dream about where I want to live, how I want to work, what my perfect day would look like, and think it’s not happening for me yet. However, when I truly look at my life, the cup of coffee and delicious, nourishing, breakfast, the mornings spent on the porch in the sunshine, my flexible work schedule, my sweet children (the human one and the fur baby), so much of my dream life is already here.
Gratitude does not mean spiritual bypass. It does not mean neglecting to process the harder or uncomfortable emotions, or ONLY feeling happy-go-lucky all the time. In fact, it means quite the opposite because if you are truly grateful for every situation as if you chose it, it gives the power back to you. It means YOU get to choose to be grateful for ALL your emotions and what they are teaching you. YOU get to choose your perspective, to forgive, to move on, to grow, to empower YOURSELF to continue moving in the direction of your highest self. If someone cuts you off in traffic or says something that hurts your feelings, it doesn’t excuse their behavior or make it right, but it is an opportunity to notice your own triggers, gauge your own reaction, and it highlights your own pain points. These are opportunities for you have for your own learning. It isn’t your fault bad things happen to you, but it is your responsibility to facilitate your own healing and growth. It is also our responsibility as a community and society to make healing tools accessible to all, which they currently are NOT.
After any trauma happened, it isn’t your fault that it happened, but it is your responsibility to heal for yourself. Holding onto it simply causes more harm and pain to yourself, it takes away your own power and allows continued harm. It does not mean you should be like “Wow I am so GLAD I was abused/neglected/that person was mean to me/ ___ trauma happened/ etc.” . You can and SHOULD be angry, grieve, etc., but it DOES mean that you have the opportunity to find gratitude, somewhere, even if it is in the now, on the other side. You can be grateful for your strength, your ability to continue moving forward, the opportunity to go back and care for your inner child or wounded self, the control you have over your own life, etc. Please, please do not keep giving that power away to a situation, to someone else, or to your past. Being stuck in the shame and blame cycle does not serve you or anyone else. It is the same if you were the perpetrator of something bad. You don’t have to be grateful that you fucked up,hurt someone, or made poor choices, but you can be grateful for the opportunity to choose the right, and to never make that choice again.
Through practicing gratitude as often as I remember, it has taught me to take situations in stride, and to say “thank you” for every situation, no matter how hard, as if I had chosen it. It has taken me quite some time to integrate this and I still haven’t fully. I don’t know if I ever will, because it seems to be a practice that keeps unfolding layers with time. I don’t get quite as worked up over things like car problems, or hard situations with relationships, etc. because I know in the end everything will work out the way it is meant to. I am still human though, and still have moments, frequently. I try to practice gratitude even for the worst situations, but more and more often I find myself thinking “Hmm, I wonder why that happened? What is this teaching me?”, and an even more challenging question, “What is my role in this? How did I draw this situation into my reality?” It can be incredibly frustrating when we feel like we are just trying to do the right thing, or did everything in our power, and something bad still happens. Yet even in these tough moments, we have the opportunity to choose. It can be a difficult concept and habit to grasp, and is a lifelong practice.
A brief note on self love: Self love is what we strive to have and maintain, and it is the act of self-appreciation, even in the hard moments. It is cultivating gratitude for ourselves: showing appreciation and taking action steps of care and love towards our hearts, bodies, and minds, regardless of how we feel that day. It is self-respect: holding ourselves to certain standards, even when we are less than perfect. It is maintaining grace and forgiveness for ourselves: knowing we are still worthy of love and belonging. It is creating an inner and outer dialogue that is respectful and kind to ourselves, even in the challenging moments. It is not a goal we suddenly achieve and then it’s done, it is a practice, something that grows and is part of every moment of our lives.
Stop playing the victim. Start writing your own story. Don’t cheat yourself by underestimating the power of gratitude. It is not going to look, feel, or present the same in anyone, so you must find what it means for you. It is up to you to find how to let gratitude work its magic in your own life.
I am so grateful for all of you. Gratitude is MAGICAL – So get to it!!!
