In December 2022, my friends decided they were going to begin the first three months of 2023 sober. Three months, 90 days, liver cleanse, ready for spring. They inspired me to do the same.
After three months, I decided to go for six, and after the six month mark I knew I needed to do a whole year. Different times of year seem to come with an increase in alcohol consumption for different reasons, and I wanted to show myself that I could experience every single day of the year, from January 1 to December 31, completely alcohol free.
It is December 29th, 2023. On the first of January, I will hit the mark of one year – 365 days, without a single sip of alcohol. On January 1, 2024, I will return to enjoying alcohol occasionally with a renewed perspective of and relationship to it.
Ten Musings on an Alcohol-Free Year
- Some days were easier than others.
The first few weeks especially, were very challenging. I was moving back to my home state during the coldest time of the year. I was navigating a breakup, and just beginning to come to terms with my new reality as a single mom. I was grieving my family, broken relationships, and an incredibly important chapter of my life. I had also just let go of 95% of my personal belongings. I was moving into a new home. There was a lot going on. As life became a bit more settled, there were more and more “easy” days or days when I didn’t think about alcohol at all. However, there were some particular days that just felt heavy, hard, or “too much” where I got very close to saying “fuck it”, or questioning whether life was too short to be so strict with myself. Sometimes at the end of the day a glass of wine called to me as a lovely way to mellow out and focus on evening tasks at hand, In retrospect, I am so GLAD I stuck with it. Life IS too short – too short to be numbing at every opportunity. Feelings are meant to be felt, even the uncomfortable ones.
- If I really click with someone, we still clicked when there wasn’t alcohol invited.
I don’t know why this was such a major concern of mine considering my friends are some of the best humans on planet Earth. There were some people I was more worried about hanging out with sober than others. Yes, tipsy memories are fun and there will most likely be more wine-kissed moments in our futures, but this year showed me deeply how I have just as much fun completely sober with the people who I truly love and who love me.
- My body got a break.
For a nursing toddler mom who doesn’t get a whole lot of sleep, every minute of shut-eye is so crucial! I absolutely still had some funky sleep, some weird dreams, and several nights of my cat or kiddo waking me up at all hours. Even so, there was still a noticeable difference in my overall sleep and energy compared to when I would drink regularly. Sleep hygiene is so very important and is a reason I plan to be a *rare* drinker moving forward.
- I got creative with other vices.
I absolutely enjoyed a LOT more sugar, caffeine, and indulgent meals this year. I also tried out Kava Kava drinks, which was… interesting. While I know each can be detrimental in their own right, enjoying these things can be a part of the human experience – meant to be savored. Being aware of our vices and how they affect us, and taking breaks from them as warranted, can lead to a richer experience. Of course, there are many other vices that are not ingesting edible substances, but these are the ones I feel I compensated the most with when giving up alcohol. For someone else it might be soda, fast food, etc. I chose to enjoy my other vices while knowing how they affect me, and I am at peace with that.
- I cut alcohol out of my budget.
2023 was an extremely rough year for my wallet. 2024 will be better. At least I didn’t have a single dime going to this destructive habit (or cigarettes for that matter!).
- My anxiety actually improved
I once read a saying “If you have anxiety, the first two drinks don’t count!”. While I find this funny and relatable, the “sobering” truth behind it is I did rely on drinking to get me through moments of social anxiety in the past. After feeling rather socially stunted in some ways growing up, drinking was a way for me to finally fit in, to finally make decisions for myself (even if they were poor ones). Drinking allowed me to soften my rigid body, relax my worried heart, and tap into who I thought I “truly was” – funny, loving, social, open, etc. While I think alcohol can be absolutely wonderful for some of these things, and to bring more of ourselves out in some circumstances, it certainly shouldn’t be the ONLY reason we tap into these parts of ourselves. This year without the social crutch of alcohol taught me I can be all of these versions I love about myself, completely sober. I also had less anxiety from not remembering, not sleeping well, being embarrassing or oversharing, overspending money, overeating junk food…the list goes on and on. I made several other lifestyle changes as well, and no my anxiety didn’t go away completely, but overall I noticed a drastic decrease.
- Oh the shame! (And guilt and dreams.)
Another unexpected, not fun part of not drinking. I had countless flashbacks to times I embarrassed myself, or wasn’t my best self, or missed out because I was drinking. So many waves of guilt and shame I would feel for a day or two afterwards (while drinking), and then mostly forget about it. So many memories surfaced and showed me my true feelings around those moments. There was an underlying cringe around so many otherwise beautiful memories. I also dreamed regularly about drinking. Accidentally drinking, forgetting that I was currently sober and accepting a drink, deciding I was done being sober and going to drink anyway – then regretting it, etc. I always woke up so relieved it was just a dream.
- My awareness increased…in every way.
Awareness around urges to drink: When I found myself wanting a drink, I was able to sit with that feeling and ask myself WHY I wanted to drink right at that moment. Was it because it was a beautiful day outside and I wanted to indulge in a fun drink that would lift my already lightened spirits and make soaking up the beauty of life even more fun? Or, was it because the feeling I was experiencing was too much, too overwhelming, and I wanted something to take the edge off? OR, was it because I wasn’t feeling anything at all and I wanted something to bring emotion to me? All of these happened, more than once, and that is all okay. All part of being human.
Awareness in the rest of my life: I was able to take better accountability for my own shitty decisions, and better navigate holding others accountable for theirs. I was able to navigate relationships more clearly. I heard my intuition more loudly. I showed up as fully as possible as a mother, in my job, for Eclectic Purpose, and even at the gym / in my home and body. I felt more clear as a yoga teacher. I was more aware of how foods, drinks, people, and places made me feel.
- I realized how much alcohol is around me.
A fairly self-explanatory point, but interesting all the same! This year of my life I was actually around alcohol less than I normally would be, having a nursing toddler and living in a new small town in the middle of nowhere and all. All of this being said, there were still multiple times a month that alcohol was being consumed around me. I thought it would bother me MUCH more than it did. I do look forward to some special moments in the years to come with a fun drink or two, but no longer feel the need to drink just because others around me are. Of course, depending on your lifestyle and situation this could be much different for you, but I am sharing my experience all the same.
- My life felt expansive.
The neatest, most incentivizing, and least expected benefit of this year. My life felt so much more full… so expansive. I learned. I grew. I was aware enough of everything to see what I was learning, even in the pain. I laughed, had fun, and genuinely enjoyed myself. I traveled, and tried new things. I met new people and got to see old friends. Even on the monotonous days, I got to experience new revelations. I was present for every moment, even the not-so-fun ones. I took opportunities. I trusted the universe and myself. I had no idea life could feel this full, this fun, and this expansive, even during one of the more challenging years of my life. (Also please note I said expansive, not perfect or fun or easy. The not-so-comfortable moments are often equally if not more expansive. They show us where our strength lies.)
All in all, 2023 was a beautiful year. It was a glimpse into what a sober lifestyle looks like, with no fear of giving up something forever. As I return to enjoying alcohol in 2024, it will absolutely be a bit here and there, instead of a daily or even weekly habit. I intend to continue showing up to my life from a grounded, integrated place. I truly value my life and take fulfilling my purpose here on earth seriously.
While I truly enjoy a glass of Merlot, tequila shot, or double IPA, I know they don’t provide me any more fulfillment in life than a rich piece of German chocolate cake or a plate of fettuccine alfredo with garlic bread on the side (drool!). All of these treats are decadent, life-enriching moments on their own but when over-enjoyed or enjoyed too frequently, each may cause haziness, bloat, acne, and a general “blah”.
Even more than the physical manifestations of course, these indulgences, if overdone, could lead to missing out on the feelings of lightness and clarity that should be felt in everyday life. A younger version of myself felt that the lightness and clarity came from drinking, and perhaps that could be true in a way or at times. For my life though, I choose depth. I am all in and I’m here for it – the pain, the joy, even the numbness at times. Teach me as much as you can while i’m here, life school.
Will I ever take a break from alcohol again? In small amounts absolutely! I THINK that the only way I would take a long (or permanent) break, would be if I were to develop another unhealthy relationship or addiction to it, or found it always causing more harm than good, physically or mentally. Yet I have to ask myself – is any relationship to it unhealthy? Does it lead to more expansion when enjoyed in small amounts or do I just believe it does? They say a glass of red wine can be good for your heart but they also used to tell us cigarettes were good for us, eh?
Obviously, everyone has a different relationship with alcohol, as with anything else that can be addictive. I have no idea what is best for anyone else, including future versions of me. Feeling into my own body, moment to moment, is the best I can do.
My same sweet friends who encouraged me to take a break from alcohol with them are now considering doing a season on and off of drinking – enjoying drinks in the summer with the sunshine and enjoying a cleanse and detox time during the winter months, when the cold and holidays bring extra stress. There are so many fun ways to play with these “sober curious” lifestyles.
We are all knocking on the door of 2024. A whole lot can change in a year. If you consider yourself “sober curious”, I strongly encourage you to experiment taking a break, or many breaks, from anything you feel might be weighing you down or hindering you in any way from being your most authentic, magnetic self.
If you decide to take a break from alcohol, feel free to reach out! I would love to chat and offer any ideas or suggestions that helped me along the way.