“Your Worth Lies Not In What You Do”
– Aine Belton
Welcome to 21 days of worthiness! I am going to be completing it right along with you.
Disclaimer: This entire set of posts was written on the 29th and 30th of November. Usually, I would spend several hours writing and reviewing, but this is a project that came to me on November 27th, born out of intense amounts of work I have done over the past year (and lifetime). I myself am doing this work in real time. I feel that sharing it now, flaws and all, will be cathartic and potentially beneficial to others as well. As humans we are all in different stages of this journey.
Over the past few years of my life, I have made a shift from seeking *only* external validation, to seeking more internal validation. I have recently come to realize that this “internal validation” is coming from my ego.
When I give myself kudos for running five miles or keeping my house clean or working a 60 hour work week, I tell myself this is better than external validation because the goals and approval are coming from “myself” but unfortunately they are not coming from me at all but from my ego – that part of my humanity that still thinks I need to do to be worthy. The ego is that part of me that still feels I need to look, act, or show up in a certain way to earn my worth.
Yet in reality my worth exists without me doing anything at all. My worth simply is, just by the mere fact I exist. What a wild concept!
I still seek both external and internal validation in some ways, but at least I have arrived at a place where I consciously recognize that I don’t need it. I am only just now realizing that my own “self-worth” will not come from what I do, how I act or who I believe I am. It will only come from the deep, subconscious knowing that I am worthy, always, no matter what. I was worthy when I was born and I will be worthy when I die and my worth has never NOT been there. I have only been lacking the belief that it is.
The next evolution of knowing my worthiness is recognizing my own inherent worth regardless of anything that happens and what anyone thinks, including myself.
My conditioned brain still thinks this sounds so selfish and narcissistic but in fact the more I know my own worth, the more I am able to show up from a place of love acting as my highest self. My highest, healed, whole version of self is not the part of me that hurts others.
As we learn to believe we are worthy from a deep, subconscious level, we also begin to see the inherent worth of every single other soul on this planet. We become more aware of our oneness. We begin to see the bigger picture.
We are conditioned as tiny humans to act a certain way in order to survive. We gain praise and recognition for certain things and are punished or abandoned for other things. Depending on your cultural, societal, and familial upbringing, the craving for validation has been ingrained in all of us (to different extents) from a very young age.
Historically, we needed the validation of the “clan” or the pack to survive. It is our human nature. Therefore, I don’t necessarily think it’s an achievable or even a healthy goal to let go of ANY need/want/reaction to validation. Our true power lies in the awareness and knowing of our worth REGARDLESS of any sort of validation.
Today’s theme is to take inventory of where you are at on your worthiness journey. I have shared my own experience above after reflecting on how far I have come and the growth I still have to do.
Action Item:
Spend time reflecting on how and if you embody, embrace, and truly *live in* your worth. Spend five minutes in meditation (walking, in the bath, etc.) and quiet your mind before pondering the prompts. Journal or voice note your answers for each. Don’t judge yourself for what comes up, but be as honest as possible.
Ask Yourself:
- Where do you fall on this spectrum or awareness?
- Who do you seek validation from?
- What do you seek validation for (from yourself or others)?
- How has this changed as you have grown older?
- How do you talk to yourself?
- How do you speak about yourself to others?
- Does your life reflect that you are worthy of quality relationships, experiences, and the lifestyle that is in alignment with your highest self?
- Even if you know you are worthy from a logical standpoint, what does your subconscious believe?
*Each day I will offer resources at the end of the post. These include fun songs, short videos, podcasts, and books I have read.*
Today’s Resource: To Be Magnetic