“Wherever you are, be all there.”
– Jim Elliot
We all have different sides of ourselves. These sides show up depending on who we are with, how comfortable we feel, our emotions, etc.
Likely you have heard of the idea of wearing masks, and how we wear different “masks” depending on who we are with. Some of us more than others, depending on our brains and how they are wired.
For example, with your best friend you might be raw, real, and honest. With another group of friends you might play a role such as the comedic relief, the “mom” of the group, the wild partier, etc. Around a new crush, maybe you show off, be more “sweet” or quiet, etc. You get the idea. With your siblings, no matter how old you get, we tend to slip right back into the familial roles of childhood.
Unfortunately, the people that we love the most in the world or are the most comfortable with/close to (often the people we live with such as our partner and children) get the brunt of our grumpies. We feel safe with them to let our not-so-cute selves. They know how to push our buttons the most and we push theirs, whether it’s intentional button-pushing or not.
The idea is to be the same person no matter where we are or who we are with. Of course, people will always continue to bring out different sides of us, but if we are striving to become authentic in every moment, we will continue to merge these versions of us and become more consistent with who we really are, in every moment.
If we give ourselves a break and let our true selves be present during all daily situations, we have more energy left to give our best selves to our closest loved ones as well. That doesn’t mean being inappropriate at work or an asshole to the grocery store clerk, but often there are ways we can drop our masks and just, be, instead of trying to put on a show or hide the way we feel.
Then there is the side of us that no one sees. The one present when we are alone. Our inner world is one that no one else is privy to.
I only recently heard that not everyone has an inner monologue? Is this true? Regardless, we all have a version of ourselves that is ONLY present when we are alone.
It is my hope that as a society, we are beginning to value solitude more, instead of seeing it as a bad thing. It is a beautiful thing to have time in solitude to contemplate, grow, heal, and process.
When we are around other’s energy, even wonderful, fun, loving energy, we do not have the chance to hear our inner voice clearly. There are revelations that only come to us when we give ourselves time to be with *just* ourselves.
Does scrolling on my phone in bed or listening to a podcast or watching TV count as alone time? No. That is still taking in outside input and information. True solitude gives you a chance to hear your inner voice clearly. I would even argue that wonderful things such as reading a book or watching a yoga video don’t really count as time being fully in the practice of solitude. I do think that being with a pet can still count as solitude practice because they help us connect more deeply to ourselves, and to source.
Our inner voice is what gives us the hints towards our desires and our calling. Solitude is what gives us time to process, integrate and recharge our batteries. Even if you are the most extraverted person, time for solitude is important if you are striving to live an aligned life. Some of us need more time by ourselves than others, but we all need times of solitude to understand ourselves fully and heal.
If you aren’t used to spending time in solitude, it can be uncomfortable at first, but as you learn to get comfortable with yourself and fall in love with being in your own energy, it does get easier.
Just as the seasons change, always expanding and contracting, so are we. If we do not take time to be alone and turn inward, we will not be able to shine our light as far as it is meant to shine in the times of expansion.
Time in solitude is a practice, just like anything else. It gets easier the more we give ourselves space and time to grow with it. Time in solitude does not mean just sitting bored alone in a room. It can show up as journaling, dancing to music (wordless music is especially wonderful for plugging into source in this way), taking a bath, practicing our art, walking or just being in nature, cooking, gardening, or traditional meditation. Even states of hypnosis such as driving or cleaning our house with some binaural beats or wordless music can be wonderful times to practice solitude.
“Stop playing it cool just be passionate and intense and insane and whoever sticks around is meant for you”
Ask Yourself:
- Who am I when no one is watching? What do I think about or talk about when no one else is around?
- Where does my mind wander in moments of solitude?
- Do I have an aversion to solitude, if so, why?
- What do I ENJOY doing when I am by myself?
- How can I create more space to be in solitude in my everyday life?
- When I connect with Source/Spirit/God or my guides, do I do more talking or listening? How can I create more space to listen?
Action Step:
Go to a rave! Lol JUST KIDDING. Spend time in solitude today. Be intentional about listening to your inner monologue and observing your internal landscape. Listen and find stillness within.
Resource: Magnetic Mindset: How To Make Love To The Universe And Manifest Anything