To build a life you love
What do you think of when you hear the word ritual? Maybe you think of religious practices, witchcraft, traditions, or a specific order or schedule to things.
When thinking about what a ritual truly is, I came across several definitions:
“Rituals are ultra-specific step-by-step instructions that are easily repeatable and help you get to a specific outcome.”
“Gluckman (1962) distinguishes four kinds of ritual—magic action, religious action, substantive or constitutive ritual, and factitive ritual.”
“A ceremonial act or action. : an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set precise manner.”
While these are all lovely and intriguing definitions, I like to think of rituals as a sort of combination of all of these, and in a looser way. Something done consistently, yes, but more at different times than others. Usually there is an order to them although maybe this shouldn’t be quite so rigid all the time. To get a specific outcome? On paper, sure, but really I feel that the act of doing these things is equally as important as the perceived benefits.
The rituals I am about to discuss may also be simply called “habits”, or even “practices”, but I feel that calling them rituals honors them more for what they are. If you are fully present in each step, and move through each piece with gratitude and intentionality, it becomes more of an almost-ceremonial habit. To me, that makes it closer to a ritual, but call it whatever you like.
Because these are things done consistently or on a regular basis, they often do lead to habits. While this is lovely for avoiding procrastination, it often means that it is easy to slip out of presence with them and perform the tasks on auto-pilot. Even this can have benefits, especially if it is something you don’t enjoy doing, but I truly strive to stay present and focus on how each action feels as often as I can.
Consider the way you brush your teeth every morning and night. For many of us, this is a habit we do mindlessly and even sometimes in conjunction with other things. It is something so simple, yet so important. Not gonna lie, there have been periods of my life where I avoided even these basic tasks. Luckily now I am on it, but how do I become more present while brushing my teeth? How do you? I suppose you can try staring yourself down in the mirror, focusing on each side of each tooth, or how the toothpaste tastes in your mouth. You can use your non-dominant hand to brush (which is often better on your mouth wear and tear anyway) and works your brain as well.
Here are five rituals I feel make a huge difference in my life, even though they are fairly easy to do once you begin.
- Walking Outside Every Day. You may have heard of the “Hot Girl Walk” or “Miracle Miles” from Gala Darling, and this is no exception. Sine mom life is upon me, I do not go on daily runs like I used to. Now I pack up my kiddo in the stroller and hit a local trail, track, or park. If you live in a safe neighborhood for walking, that works too. Of course, getting to the walk is sometimes the hardest part, so you can use your habit brain to get those shoes on and get going. I am also currently participating in the 1000 Hours Outside challenge this year so that provides even more extrinsic motivation to get outdoors. Then I do a few things while I walk.
- I do my EFT tapping
- I voice-note journal to myself.
- I get something done off my to-do list. (Ex., a work call, pay a bill, order groceries, etc.) I might read a book or listen to a podcast.
- I spend at least 5-10 minutes intentionally looking at the sky and my surroundings. I notice the colors, the clouds, the tree line. I notice temperature, sounds, colors. I try to spend the most time looking up intentionally because we spend so much time looking down in everyday life.
- I use walking time to remind myself to take deep belly breaths and practice gratitude.
- I work, because I am lucky enough to work remotely.
- Setting the mood every morning. This may seem obvious or simple to some but I grew up craving consistency, peace, aesthetics, and presence. The general vibe and energy in my home growing up was filled with anxiety, stress, anger, and pain. When I moved out at seventeen, I learned for the first time that I could create an ambiance in my home and in the space around me and I could choose where I spent my time. I tried to do this as a child in my bedroom, but beyond that there was only so much I could control. Of course throughout college roommates, parties, boyfriend’s roommates, etc. all affected this too, but it was a step further. Now in my own space with my kiddo I am able to create exactly what I want the energy to be in the morning, night, and throughout the day.
- Wake up at an intentional time. In the morning, I wake up early so I can have time by myself when it is still dark outside. A precious, quiet time in the morning offers space and time to set intentions for the day, often I meditate, pull tarot, hold my crystals, and journal in this time. Depending on your schedule, pick a time to wake up that works for you and try to be consistent with it.
- Set the vibe. I plug in my Einstein bulb lights, light candles, and begin the day with soft, ambient lighting. I turn on Beautiful Chorus, affirmation music, or another peaceful playlist that sets the tone for the day. I also really enjoy binaural beats in the morning.
- Morning routine. I start coffee, wash my face, brush my teeth, take my vitamins and drink a huge glass of water with probiotics. Sometimes throw in an apple cider vinegar shot for good measure. Sometimes I add a step around tooth brushing such as flossing, a face mask, tongue scraping, oil pulling (before tooth brushing or even water of course), or even painting my nails (harder to do later in the day with a rambunctious toddler). It is awesome for your bodily rhythm to get outside first thing in the morning and soak up some sun. Even if it’s only a few minutes.
- Make a nourishing breakfast. This could go with morning routine but I feel it should stand alone because of how much it has changed for me. I used to never eat breakfast but after learning more about blood sugar, breastfeeding, and conquering an eating disorder, I have finally started to eat a bit more intuitively and consistently. Both of those aspects of feeding oneself can be very challenging, but I feel that starting the day with a hot, homemade, delicious breakfast that is eaten slowly, sitting down, starts the whole day off on the right foot, for me, during this time. Sometimes I only make it through one bite before I am starting a work task or writing, but I try my best. I try to enjoy the process of chopping vegetables to add to an egg scramble, or making a bougie chia pudding. Sometimes I rush through everything, but I truly try to slow down enough to notice the sensory details such as smells, sounds, and how I feel as I move through each step.
- “Closing” house every night. Every night, I spend about 15 minutes (set a timer if it helps motivate you) and I close house. Usually it takes around an hour if I do it all and I play evening-vibe music and have a mini dance party with Kai as I go.
- I clean up. Even when I don’t want to. I do dishes, pick up all Kai’s toys, tidy up my desk for the next morning, sweep…whatever feels necessary. It’s sometimes hard to get motivated for but if you do at least 10-15 mins every night it doesn’t feel so overwhelming and automatically makes the next morning better.
- I make myself feel safe. Turn on a lamp or two for ambient lighting, blow out candles, make sure my doors are locked, etc. I shut down my computer. I practice taking some deep belly breaths. (I have a safety affirmation as a later step.)
- Prepare for tomorrow. I grind coffee beans and set up for the morning. I lay out vitamins or breakfast items. I feed and water the cat. I lay out anything for tomorrow I might forget, and write a note to myself if I need to remember something specific in the morning. I usually don’t lay out clothes to be honest unless we have to leave the house early, but a lot of people feel this helps them as well.
- Have a nightly routine. Ours isn’t too elaborate. I brush my teeth and Kai’s then let him brush his own in his highchair while I’m showering, then he gets a bath. If you are a single parent, or any parent who does things like taking showers with your baby right there, I recommend a highchair or pack n play that you can check on them, and saving some toys that ONLY come out during this time, so you can actually take a shower without your little one having a meltdown. After this we usually play more, or I write or read depending on time and how I’m feeling. Before bed we have a special nighttime lotion, rain sounds in winter and two fans in summer, and we read a fat stack of affirmation cards. (I read each one and then Kai pretends to read it then throws it on the floor. That’s our routine lol!) Night routines can and should vary depending on what works for you. Sometimes I get absorbed into my phone after all that, but I try not to for too long too often.
- I intentionally shift my energy throughout the day. I block time for different tasks, etc. We have a pretty solid morning and night set up now. What about when every day is different though? We have a different schedule every day of the week, but I find it important to incorporate these rituals at LEAST once a week. Sometimes it is tricky to find the time to fit it in but oh so worth it!
- Call, facetime, or write to a friend. Connection is important. Sometimes it’s months I go between seeing or talking to one of my besties so catching up in this way is so important.
- Have an all out dance party for at least three songs and SHAKE. Shaking helps release tension and emotional build up.
- Be in touch with your body, alone. For me this means a self-massage, taking a bath, making time for self-pleasure, or even just laying in the sunshine feeling into your body. If feeling into your body is hard or impossible or you don’t even know what that means, there are tools to help. Yoga, therapy, and breathwork have been my biggest tools for this, but there are many others. Also if you have never made time for self-pleasure before, now is the time to start. There are so many benefits. Life. Changing.
- Gratitude practice. You can do the classic writing down three things you are grateful for (or more) OR (and) you can make it a practice throughout your day. When you eat meals, thank the universe/God/whoever for your food and clean water. When you are moving your body and sweating, find gratitude you are able to move in this way. When you get in your car to go somewhere, be grateful that your car runs and you made it safely to your destination. Gratitude practice has changed my life. It is SO MUCH EASIER to find gratitude in the tough moments if you actively and intentionally practice it throughout everyday routines.
- Connect with those you live with. In our busy lives we often neglect the people we live with when it comes to intentional time. We assume that living with them is enough. When I think back to growing up with my little brother, then living with roommates, boyfriends, friends, etc. I always look back and wish I had spent more intentional time with them. Life is short. Time together is short. Especially if you have kids, but everyone included, quality time is so, so important.
- If your roomie is just yourself – great! Spend some time treating yourself or taking yourself on a date. Or reach out to a neighbor or friend close by.
- If you are a single parent, spend some one on one time with your kiddo. Read a book. Let the child lead what you play. Talk to them. Cook a meal together. Snuggle. Jump in puddles. It doesn’t matter what you do, just that you put the screen away and take time to truly connect.
- If you live with a partner, it’s great to set a weekly date night but regardless, make it a ritual to check in with one another for 15 minutes or so every day. Take a shower together. Look one another in the eyes. Snuggle or hug if that is your favorite way of connecting. Start a hobby together or a game you play. (I read once that couples should have two hobbies they do together – one indoor and one outdoor. So this could be nature hikes and a board game, baking and tennis, whatever works for you all.)
- Whether you live with roommates, pets, or a whole family, make the time. Be intentional and plan an activity that all of you enjoy. Look your people in the eye and tell them you love them. Except if it’s a pet cat then kinda squint/blink and look to the side and tell them you love them. If you are living with a partner and children, make sure you find time just for the two of you, no matter how much you love the kids and in fact ESPECIALLY if you love them. Their little cup can only be full if their adults are taking care of themselves.
These rituals are just things you do on a regular basis. Every single one of us is going to have interruptions, days that feel off, or things that change. Choose rituals that work for you MOST of the time (once a day, once a week, once a month, etc.) and appreciate those. Try your rituals of choice out for a while and see how they make you feel. Journal about it or use a habit tracker if it’s your thing, but either way really ask yourself these questions:
- What is my WHY behind this ritual? Am I doing it because it really serves me and makes sense, or just because I think it’s the right thing to do?
- How do I feel before this ritual? Is there a lot of resistance? How do I feel afterwards? Is there a difference?
- What could I change to help it better serve me?
Maybe it’s a simple as having one cup of coffee instead of two. Maybe you go to bed earlier or later to have more time in the morning or night. Maybe you don’t have any spiritual elements incorporated and you want to add a five minute meditation. Maybe you crawl out of your skin meditating and want to start using guided meditations. Maybe you’re not really getting anything out of that journaling practice and want to drop it and simplify. What works for someone else may not for you. What worked for you last week may not work this week. You may even want to change it up and that’s okay. I find my rituals change with the seasons more or less.
I assure you it’s worth your time to dig in and see how you could enhance the steps of your personal ritual to flow.
I plan to write another piece about my more in-depth spiritual rituals specifically later, but these are the more applicable, accessible ones that most anyone can integrate in their own way.
Having rituals has been a game changer for me. I feel confident knowing I am actively creating the life I love.
Comment or reach out and tell me about your favorite rituals! I nerd out about this stuff. 🤓